Discovering Who We Are Through The Wisdom of Our Elders

"So even to old age and gray hairs, O God, do not forsake me, until I proclaim your might to another generation, your power to all those to come." (Psalm 71:18)

I had a conversation with my son, Myles, today about revisiting our goals and what we need to do to position ourselves to achieve them. The conversation led us down the path of taking an in-depth look into our character, habits, friendships, and even what we have done with the time God has given us. Our discussion also raised the question, why do we behave and think the way we do?

We all know that people are a summation of our environment and personal experiences. Some of our practices, including our character, may result from our friendships, our parents, and where we live. These life lessons have helped shape our personality and values and have contributed to our character and how we view life. This process begins from the time we are in our parent's womb through old age. It is not until we widen our territory, increase our network and quality of our peers, and even achieve more education when we change our perspective.

My Grandma Lula, my father's mother, was a great woman. But I have to admit that I did not like being around her that much as a small child. I thought she was mean, rigid, and even a little cold. I do not remember her smiling that often, nor did I receive a warm feeling from her. Her life seemed mysterious. I remember looking at her wondering, "Why is she that way?"

Children can be quite wise and honest. I learned this from my sons. When they were very young, they just said what was on their mind. They had no filter. But they were spot on the money. Children can discern the heart of an individual, for which more than adults give them credit. Although children may lack the vocabulary to express their feeling, they can tell when someone is just tolerating them or when they are loved or not loved. And when it comes to our grandparents, they are of more value to us than we realize. As a side note, even grandparents must remain mindful of their behavior because grandchildren are now observing and learning from you.

Grandparents carry the torch from their ancestors that will pass on to us. At the same time, when they share our history and the richness of our heritage (even if the journey was difficult), it provides us an introspective look into our future. They can empower us to reach our destiny just by knowing from whence we came. We are also authorized to break the chains of generational curses or struggles that have lingered in our family line for years on end. We now understand the "why do we behave this way?" and can begin painting a more beautiful landscape in our bloodline. In other words, when we know better we can do better.

So in my twenties, my grandmother and I began talking more. She reached out to me a lot more. She called me when I was away at college, and that relationship flourished. When I got married, we spoke nearly twice a week. By this time, I was the one initiating the calls. In the beginning, we talked about recipes. I was learning to cook, and she was the one to teach me. I learned how to make homemade pound cakes, stuffed bell peppers, and many other of her famous dishes. As we talked more, our conversations became more intimate. I now had the key to her heart, and she had mine. My grandma shared private things, which would help me manage my married life better while also honoring God.

Years later, probably five or so years before Grandma Lula died, I carved out time each week to drive to Indiana from Illinois to visit her. Because I was a stay-at-home mom at that time, I made this trip nearly every Wednesday. Grandma Lula was in her 90s then, so she looked forward to our visits. We talked, watched a little television, talked about the Bible, and looked at old photos. Sometimes I drove her to run small errands or pick up medications. But the most impactful conversations with Grandma Lula were the stories she shared about how difficult it was as a Black child growing up in Greenwood, Mississippi.

She was born in the 1920s during a time when the struggle was tough for African Americans. But for Blacks living in the South, life was even more of a challenge. From education to housing to employment, the struggle was real. I lived it through her eyes. My grandmother only had about a 4th or 5th-grade education. Because most black families in her town were sharecroppers, children were only allowed to attend school for a few months before being extracted to help their families work the farms or pick cotton. Once they reached a certain age, usually around 9 or 10, they no longer attended school and had to work the fields full time. While this is not the story for every black child growing up in the South, it was the norm for my grandmother and many other kids in Greenwood, Mississippi.

Grandma Lula also shared that the school she attended only allowed black children to go so far, then attending school became a more significant challenge. Another anomaly was the school my grandmother attended was in a tiny one-room space, resembling that of a little farmhouse. It was the only school designated for black children and located almost 10-miles from where she lived. The bad part was they walked on a road where they would be less likely to be spotted by what she described as "the men in the white sheets." I could feel the terror in her voice when she spoke about it.

Then my Grandma Lula shared a part of her history that I never knew. She talked about how her parents were entrepreneurs and how they acquired land to build a house and develop a farm. I found this intriguing because Grandma Lula did not realize how her dad (who I never met or knew) learned how to become a businessman despite disenfranchised African Americans.

Around 1890, Mississippi legislators passed a disfranchising constitution, resulting in the exclusion of African Americans from political life until the mid-1960s. Most African Americans lost their lands due to disenfranchisement, segregation, financial crises, and an extended decline in cotton prices. By 1920, most African Americans were landless sharecroppers and tenant farmers. However, in the 1930s, some blacks acquired land under low-interest loans from New Deal programs. While Grandma Lula never knew how her parents acquired their property, she spoke highly of this accomplishment. Hearing about her father's success as a businessman, I was able to see the similarities between my father and his desire to achieve success in education and business as well. Likewise, how my siblings and I also either launched our own businesses or sought out higher education levels to achieve success in various professions. I realized this desire came from somewhere, and it started long before my dad!

Grandma's voice turned to a more serious one. Grandma Lula began to share how the "them men in the sheets" would ride their horses, looking to terrorize "the black folks." This part I would never forget: "I never understood why they would just come around to burn up our stuff or destroy it. We would be so scared. My father would make us all hide under the house, and we would watch them destroy our crops. Then they would ride off. We would wait until they left and then climb out and start over. I remember being scared all the time. Black folks was just scared. We couldn't do nothing about it either. But my parents would just start over," she said.

I stared at her eyes. I then understood her pain, the rigid core she exuded when I was a child, and the "why is she like this?" For the first time, I also felt the love and concern she had for her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. Grandma Lula wanted us to be strong and resilient regardless of our circumstances.

When I asked Grandma Lula how she is able to not hate people for their cruelty, she responded, "Baby, that's where you gotta pray and let Jesus heal your heart. You cannot hate. The closer I got to the Lord, the more I learned to let things go."

After that, my time with Grandma Lula took on a whole new meaning. I loved her. I respected her. And I understood her. I also realized she sought a closer relationship with me and not my other siblings, and I wondered why. She chose someone who would carry the torch of honor, integrity, and perseverance, no matter how difficult life became. She also wanted us to take the Gospel of Jesus Christ throughout our family line. Grandma wanted an opportunity to tell someone how much she loved us and that she really cared about our future. Grandma Lula also wanted a chance to share her story. She spoke LIFE into me by sharing her struggles and how she overcame them. I felt so empowered!

I understood more about our family's struggle, and that it was incumbent upon me to continue living a life of purpose. I realized my grandmother's perspective about life, especially for black people, was shaped by her deep South experiences. I understood her fears and how she learned to move past her fears to achieve goals she established for her children, with the hope that we would all learn how to live the same way. After she migrated to Indiana, I also learned how the Lord surrounded her diversity to experience God's goodness in all people.

Grandma also taught me that I could not live a life outside of Jesus Christ. It is God who has given us all of our gifts and talents so that we can honor Him. If we remain obedient, God will bless us, protect us, and keep His Word in our lives. At the age of 98, I helped my parents take care of her before she passed away. I felt it was a privilege and an honor. Right before the Lord called her home to be with Him, Grandma said to me, "You gone be alright."

As I write this, I now realize every little thing matters to the Lord, including my grandma's experience. He won't waste any trial or tribulation. God will use all of our struggles to promote us, help others, and glorify Him. I also realize that God has equipped us for every good work. Look at my grandmother. While Grandma Lula had her issues, all of her good and bad experiences grounded her faith in God. Despite her small beginnings, Grandma Lula's life is a testimony of God's goodness. God blessed my grandma because she was a faithful servant and instilled the love of Jesus in all of us.

Thank you, Grandma. I honor you.

Sources: Wikipedia - Greenwood, Mississippi

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About Simply Marnie

Marnie Robinson is a communications strategist, journalist, and leader with more than 25 years of combined experience in the public and nonprofit industries. Specializing in healthcare public relations and marketing, she is the president and CEO of MARS Communications, Inc. and SimplyMarnie.com. Marnie enjoys competing in fitness competitions and living a healthy lifestyle. In addition, she is Mrs. Illinois International 2019.